New London Blog!

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All of my Canada posts are also over on the new blog as well.

Happy reading! xo

Oh Canada, we miss you.

Can you tell we are in Arizona now?

Everywhere we go in Arizona, there are signs saying to leave your weapons outside. Toto, we are not in Canada anymore.

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We have been on the road (or sleeping in friends' guest rooms) for the past month.  It is really hard to live in limbo for that long.  We have said sad goodbyes to our friends in Canada,

and imported and sold two cars in the U.S. (Note: if you have to reimport and sell two cars, plan some extra time for some extra-frustrating DMV visits, calls to the county and state DMV, and a few extra trips to Carmax.)  

It was great to see Virginia/Maryland/DC friends, and we were able to leave off where we left off when we left 18 months ago.  But the area did not feel like home anymore.  Things were too spread out, we were driving too much, and traffic was bad.  We had grown accustomed to our smaller geographic circle we had built around us in Toronto.  Our life was extra busy and I felt behind.  None of my friends intentionally made me feel this way, but I felt like I hadn't enrolled my children in the proper activities while we were away.  My children spent a lot of time in the park in Toronto.  Kids in NoVa are super busy and several friends couldn't get together because of kid schedules.  My kids aren't swimming yet (so no swim team), can't read fluently (so no GT, I guess :) and don't yet play a team sport. They ski and are learning French, which aren't really NoVa skills, and don't kick the seat when they fly.  I hadn't realized how stressful it was to raise kids in our home area until I was away.  One of my previous jobs was to counsel parents about gifted programs and I don't think I fully realized until this visit how much parenting competition impacts them, even unconsciously.  

One of the best parts of our visit to Virginia was seeing my class that I left midyear to move to Toronto.  They were such a cool group of kids and I was so excited to see them, give them hugs and congratulate them on their accomplishments.  I also realized how much I miss my school colleagues and friends. 

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From all of our business in Virginia (wills and car sales and doctors appointments, oh my!) to a wedding in Cape Cod.  

It was awesome to take a break and have a chance to reconnect as a family and as an extended Janow family.  Sam and Ellie loved hanging out with their cousins Caroline and Ben.  We loved beating the heat on the beach and swimming and playing with our family before moving across the pond.  

Evan and Judy's wedding was awesome and fun and pictures of the whole event are here on flickr. 

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Josh went to London to unpack our house (hooray for Josh!) and I went out to Arizona, which should be its own separate post but I have waited 5 days now to finish this one, and so now you get the last North American update before we fly out.
 As my friend Sean put it, what better to celebrate the Fourth of July in Arizona than missiles? So we went to the Titan Missile Museum since our friends Brad and Ted suggested it. My mom got to turn the key and blow up the secret targets.  

It actually was a fabulous museum and a really interesting way to look at a piece of America's former defense system. Also, it struck me as a colossal waste of government funds (at the time - now it is a non-profit museum). Peace through deterrence may work, but it certainly seems like it costs a lot.  

We have also traveled to the Pima Air and Space Museum, to see what is called the Boneyard.  The Boneyard is actually on the Air Force base where my Dad was stationed after returning from Thailand during the Vietnam War, so this was a cool visit for a number of reasons.  This is where the US government keeps surplus aircraft to use for spare parts for all parts of the military.  There are approximately 4,000 planes, helicopters, etc. here and should you need a spare part for that C-130 you can call these folks up and they can get you that part and send it to you, sort of like the Advance Auto Parts of the US government aviation industry. It was really interesting for my Dad and I, less so for Ellie and Sam (Sam fell asleep on the bus tour).

This is the plane my Dad worked on in Thailand. 

Obviously, Arizona was a patriotic trip in the very red state. It was also filled with Mexican food, trips to Target, swimming and skinny dipping, since Gaga and Papa have a pool in the backyard, and putting on Papa's putting green.  My Dad did not make me listen to Fox news on the radio and we avoided talking about Obama/Romney.  The Safeway where Congresswoman Giffords was shot is close to my parents' house and it is known locally as her Safeway.  Illegal immigration continues to be a hot issue here.  Arizona is so beautiful, with the Catalina Mountains right outside of the house and an ever-changing sky.  The Saguaro cactus is all around and it is like being in a forest of exceptionally old trees, like redwoods, except the trees are not as tall. Ellie and Sam loved looking at them and spotting "good ones," with lots of arms.  

Tuscon is really cool in that it has a lot of local and small businesses.  I went to Antigone books, an amazing small, independent bookstore.  (Not that I need more books, ever.)  I bought turquoise from local craftsmen and ate food from small restaurants.  One thing Josh and I noticed and liked about Canada was the amount of small businesses and we lived on a particularly entrepreneurial street; it is nice to be able to support locally owned business here as well. 

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I began writing again today because I was upset, as I was packing away Sam's Canada shorts and University of Arizona t-shirt, that this is it.  Here we go. Today is the day we actually get on the plane and go. And while I am excited to go and see Josh and get organized in London, part of me wants to still hold my Mom and Dad, and stop by in Virginia, and go to tailgates with my friends in Maryland, and go back to the Canada Day BBQ at Donnybrook Park.  I'm so sad about all of the things I am missing!  I keep telling myself, and the kids, that Canada brought great opportunities. We made great friends, and experienced a new way of life, and it was good for us.  Sometimes, though, you just want home.

Last Things

We have 9 days left in Canada and have been compiling a list of our favorite memories, things, places and experiences.  Some have been written about here, some have been too mundane to share.

• Our trip to Quebec City-Saguenay-Ottawa was our favorite
• Tim Horton's
• Donnybrook Park
• Snow Valley for skiing every Saturday
• our first trip to Blue Mountain
• when our neighbors introduced themselves during the first snowfall by shoveling the driveway
• dinners with girlfriends when dads were away
• Lahore Tikka House
• Ladies' Ski Day
• Ontario Science Centre
• Elmira Maple Syrup Festival
• Canada Day, Easter Egg Hunt in the park
• Loyalist Road

There are probably tons more, but I am about to cry now so I will stop there. I was talking to another parent at Sam's school, one who has lived around the world as well. I told her about how I stood in Dollarama, crying in front of the Canada Day display, and she looked at me puzzled, and asked if I really liked it here that much. I explained that we lived on an amazing street, and we were lucky to have neighbors who were more than neighbors.  One of our neighbors put on a fireworks display for Victoria Day, bought glow necklaces for all of the kids, and another hosted us before and after. Another friend hosts regular Friday night happy hours on her front steps.  The kids play with chalk, bikes, and run around drinking juice and eating pizza.  I understand that we may not find this kind of community again, but I don't regret having moved here to have had the experience of this community.

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In other news, you know the saying that a house does not become a home until you have a birth and a death? Unfortunately, we came a step closer to becoming a home in Canada this week.  Our next door neighbor, Anna, passed away on Friday. She was a fierce woman. She was almost 87 years old, a Catholic Holocaust survivor who was transported out of Poland into Siberia, and then to Jerusalem, and then to Canada.  She made awesome pierogies and traditional eastern European food for many in the neighborhood. She was not shy about her opinions and she was always ready for a chat on her porch.

Our neighborhood will be less without her.

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Our packers arrive on Monday.  We only have a few more days of normality and while I am glad that this waiting period is coming to a close and we are getting on with it already, I am so sad to be leaving this new land that we have grown to love.  In just a short 18 months, we have set down deeper roots than I expected and it is difficult to pull them up again.  

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Looking forward, our pictures of our London house in Chiswick are up on Flickr, as are pics of the Ellie and Sam's school.  Enjoy. 

The Nanny Diaries

For the last two weeks we hired Jackie, a wonderful nanny/housekeeper/helper/chef who helped keep our little family from falling apart while we were getting ready for our impending move.  You know what is no fun? Trying to export a car with a child hanging on you, wanting to play Chuggington. 

You'll recall that our move, at least the packing part, was derailed because of visa issues.* We are now back on track, maybe, and hopefully moving along.  The time with Jackie was well spent, however, as evidenced by the 25 bags of trash on our front lawn below.  Each one was labeled with the appropriate City of Toronto** sticker (at about $3/bag from Canadian Tire) but still much cheaper than a junk service.  Someone picked my trash the day before and took most of the other stuff away, which included Josh's extra set of golf clubs, some toys, rubbermaid bins, etc. I'm sure the neighbors are loving the weekly scenic view. 

We hired Jackie as we knew her from another family on our street. She had a back injury from a prior accident and needed to work with older kids, but had some availability before her next job began, which was perfect for our family.  Jackie had previously babysat for the kids so she knew them, the kids and the other families.  She was able to take Ellie to the bus and Sam to school, and she drove them to swimming as well.  

I don't think I've told you about the nanny culture in our neighborhood. I've hesitated, because it is sensitive and interesting and intimate, and before the last two weeks, I have not had personal experience with a nanny.  Most of the nannies in our neighborhood are Filipina, and have left their families behind in the Philippines, including their children, while they have come to Canada to work.  They send a lot of money back home.  The legal immigration requirement is that they live with a sponsoring family for approximately 2 years until they receive their legal residency and working papers, and then they can work for a different family.  The sponsoring family can pay them less because they are giving them room and board.  It is a situation that some unscrupulous families can take advantage of, and I've heard some terrible stories while I've been here.  These women often work long hours, in varying conditions, and live in crowded apartments. Many can't drive.  The norm seems to be a 4-6 week trip home sometime during the winter once/year if the woman can afford to go and the employer is amenable.    

There are obviously a whole host of issues to discuss here, and one blog or even several couldn't do them justice.  There are racial issues between the nannies, because not all of them are Filipina, and it may affect how playdates are organized.  There are cultural and class issues between nanny and parent. There is the fact that it is a job and employment for the nanny, and not always a labor of love for them as a parent. I think that is often a cause of tension in the employee/employer relationship, because as the employer you want the nanny to act as you would act.  I am one of the only moms in the neighborhood who is at home and so I interact with most of the nannies.  They are a lovely bunch of women who are really good with the children they look after.  I can also say, as an employer, that I was somewhat surprised by the decisions Jackie made.  After thinking about them, I thought they were reasonable (for example, having lunch with other nannies on her last day - it is a normal, work-like thing to do, no?), but was not in my mindset of what a nanny should or would be doing. I could tell she felt strange about it when she returned to the house, but I had figured out what had happened and decided it was fine with me.  

If I was to have a nanny full-time, I would need to set up guidelines for myself about what I would expect. This two-week introduction with a nanny who was really excellent in every regard - great with the kids, she made us amazing food, took care of the house, etc. - also allowed me to reflect on what is important, and what is less important.  It is a job for this person, and so I would have certain expectations about what I would want them to do. At the same time, I would not want to begrudge them some down time or social time in what I know can be an isolating and thankless job.  My friend describes having a nanny as "a business relationship in your pajamas" and as the employer, you have to have the confidence to be in the pajamas to make it work.  

Ribs by Jackie

Personally, it was awesome having Jackie. It was like having a wife. This woman was unloading my dishwasher while I was in my PJs eating breakfast with my kids and drinking coffee.***  She was the one to argue with the kids about TV and breakfast choices as I drifted off towards my next project. She cajoled them into eating and clothes and the bathroom and I... checked my email and threw out their toys.  Sheer joy. 

At the same time, she mentioned that a nanny relationship only works if both parties give themselves to the relationship. I can see that. I like the privacy of my house, though, and I was happy to close the door on Friday and flop on the couch with my kids by myself.  Ultimately, I think that is why it would be tough for me to go with a nanny permanently, at least in this environment.  Even though I really liked Jackie and appreciated her work. 

In an interesting aside, I asked Ellie and Sam which they liked better, being with a nanny at home or being at RCC, their super fabulous child care center in Virginia, and both answered RCC. I thought that was interesting feedback, and as I thought about it more, it made sense, especially for the ages they are at, almost 4 and 6.  They learned to be strong and independent people there, with lots of people who love them, and they learn to love books, and there is no TV, and lots of outside and get messy time, and  tons of friends all of the time, and lots of practical learning like how to sleep on your own and eat (even foods you don't like, like sloppy joes) and clean up and hang up your coat and so much good juicy learning.  Child care can be harder on the parent, because you have to get them up and out, but for my kids, we were able to find a place that still is impacting them, even 18 months after they've left it, which I think is quite an accomplishment.****

Every week, the nannies on our street make the kids banana muffins. Sometimes they put chocolate chips in, sometimes not. They have a lighter mouthfeel than most muffin recipes because of the baking soda but the kids on our street are crazy for them. They always bring them to the park or share them at playdates.  This is Jackie's version. I stood there while she was making them and took notes. 

Jackie's Banana Muffins

3 ripe bananas

1/2 c yogurt (any flavor is fine - she used greek blueberry at my house, because it is what we had)

1 tsp. baking soda *key ingredient

another bowl:

3/4 c brown sugar

1/4 c vegetable oil

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla

1 1/2 c flour

1 tsp. baking powder 

salt

chocolate chips or nuts (optional)

Mash the bananas lightly with a wooden spoon or potato masher. Mix in yogurt and baking soda. Let sit. Mix in another bowl the brown sugar, oil, egg and vanilla.  Mix the flour, baking powder and salt into the first bowl.  Then gently add the contents of the second, brown sugar bowl and stir.  Add additions if desired. Bake at 350 until springy and light brown on top. (Jackie does this by feel.) 

*Our first portion of our visa fun has concluded and we are off to the second portion of visa adventuring, which requires Josh to relinquish his passport. This is like asking him to give up a part of his body right now, and so required careful scheduling and many international emails. It is also requiring us to miss a beloved friend's wedding.  Damn legal requirements. 

**This is only trash, and not recycling. Josh's law school books are going out tomorrow. As are my teaching files, and other assorted paper waste.  Toronto is so super fun with trash collection, I get to wait two weeks to put out my huge piles of trash or recycling. 

***I should say this happened like 2 times, because I started getting up and showering earlier. When a virtual stranger arrives at your door and starts working, you feel like a huge slacker when you don't work too.  One time I was on the phone with Josh working on visa stuff, so I had an excuse. Once. 

****Weirdly, we seem to be lacking good child care in our area, which I think leads to the nannies. Or the long hours lead to the nannies? I'm not sure.  Not a lot of options in any case. 

Ellie's Fairy Party

Here are my long-promised pics from E's birthday party. It was a fairy party. I have birthdays on my mind today because Sam's party is coming up and he wants a frog and butterfly party. Maybe with turtles too. And he picked out a dollhouse that he wants for himself as a present.  Along with trains and other more gender (Meghan, what is the word I want here? typical, no, normal, no, stereotypical, yes) toys.  Planning has begun. (And when does a family in transition fit in a 4th birthday party that is pinterest* worthy?)

(My friend Neeta took the above pic and sewed the crepe paper together to make it ruffly. Apparently you can do that. Yeah Neeta!)

 Fairies eat well. We had magical crisps and fairy fruit wands.  

 We had marsh twigs and fairy dust sandwiches.

 Cake, of course. 

 I actually never took pictures of the best room ever, the fairy room, so Hil will have to send them to me and I will have to post them. But this gives you a glimpse. There were tulle and lights on the ceiling and walls, and it was a pretty awesome room. We made fairy wands, fairy homes in little boxes, and took home fairy dust. All in all, Ellie was happy with the party, I threw it together in about a week with a ton of help from the BEST AUNTIE EVER, and it was fun. That's all that matters.

*Pinterest can be totally stressful. Do you *see* what some of those kid parties look like?  People also have super cute ideas, though, so I also love it.

If You Are An Idiot, Press 1.

I am on hold with the Customs and Border Protection Agency of my great home country.

The menu is hilarious.  I can only imagine how many people call them with ridiculous questions, and I have little hope that my more complicated question will be able to be answered from this help line, but now I have to stay on just to see. There are 17 people in front of me.

I am calling, just so you know, to find out what documents I need to reimport my car at the suggestion of my relocation company agent.  She can't help me unless they ship the car themselves, and we are planning to drive the cars over the border and sell them ourselves before we leave.*  I went on the website she suggested, and looked, but while the Environmental Protection Agency offers a 66 page booklet on how to import a vehicle (the abridged version is 22 pages), there is no quick, easy and clear way to find out what I need.  Oh, Canada, I miss your Service Canada centers already.

I called the number at the bottom of the screen.  I urge you to call it, if only for fun.  877-CBP-5511.  The menu is something like: If you think are wondering if you need a passport to go anywhere outside of the United States, call the State Department. If you are wondering if you can take Aunt Sally's special meatloaf to Canada, call 411 to get the number of Canada's embassy. No, we don't have that number. Please don't waste our time with asking that question.  We don't know that country's regulations. (They actually say this.)  Then they put on a Santana version of slow jazz and update you with the number of people ahead of you. (7 now.)

It isn't enough to make me a libertarian or a tea partier, but it is enough to make me question my fellow citizenry.  Then again, I answered phones for a Member of Congress. I regularly had crazy people call, and it could be pretty entertaining, so in some ways I feel bad that I am bringing a regular problem to the good people of the CBP help line.

I have 2 people in front of me now, so I will have to go.

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Fortunately, the Southern woman I spoke with was nice and helpful, and I was able to get the information I needed. It involves 3+ forms and likely a call/email to the port** as well.  Car importation is a full time job, I tell you. Fun!

Hooray for the US Government!




*This is part of a complicated scheme where you can temporarily bring in your car from your own country, but you can't sell it there and you have to leave with it.  Which would be fine if we were either a. going back to our home country or b. bringing our cars with us. But we aren't doing either, hence the need to reimport them to the US and then sell them there.  Jolly good fun, don't you know.

**Otherwise known as the Lewiston Bridge.

You Make Plans, God Laughs

God is really enjoying himself right now. Peeing in his metaphorical pants, even.

Something I am sure you all know about me: I'm a planner. I don't know if I was always like this, or it came with teaching/kids/moves, but I think I was bossy when I was little and I have to plan things out. Limbo is hard for me.

There was a call this morning at 5 a.m. my time that I should have just participated in because I was up until 1 a.m. thinking about it/reading/surfing the web out of nervousness and then I woke up at 7 a.m. with the thought "check my e-mail." And all visa hell had broken loose. (Not really.)

We are in a delay because the UK Border Agency has a backlog. It sounds like America, so I am sure we will be very happy there.  The people giving us the information from the vendor company were not very specific with details, and, as mentioned before, I need details, so I called the UKBA employer help line this morning to see when things would get going again.  Dan, with his heavy British accent, was very helpful in telling me the backlog may be resolved by May 5. Or not.*

I may have mentioned in previous blogs that we were going to have our house packed up on Monday? Oh, not so much. And that whole "moving out by May 31?" We are hoping they will let us stay a little longer.  Otherwise, we will be homeless, and our stuff will be who knows where, and I will feel some sort of kinship to the guy who lived in the airport all those years, with no home country.

Of course, I have also come up with contingency plans and plans for those contingency plans should they fall through. One of them involved going to India and practicing family yoga. Or having our "temporary housing" be a cottage in the woods in Canada. I am not entirely joking about either of those. Friends and family, we're coming, and we may be staying longer than you thought.

While this delay sort of shot my whole schedule to hell, it also isn't the end of the world. I can't say that I am even cautiously optimistic it will work out, because right now even though Ellie and Sam are enrolled in a school beginning in August we may not have a visa to live there and for them to begin attending this school at that point. But. Some perspective is warranted and this is all part of the adventure, albeit one that I would rather not experience. I would rather experience the kayaking in the fjords of Canada part.

Do they make backpacker backpacks in kid sizes? We may just be hosteling around Europe this summer. You can see it, right? College kids coming back from the bars, Sam with his paci and blanket. We could totally rock that.


*This is just part 1 of the visa process. Then we get to go have our biometric stuff done (I don't know what that is, but they also take our fingerprints and is all high tech and probably because of terrorism), and then we have to send off our passports to the British Consulate in NYC for an unspecified amount of time. Josh travels almost constantly, so finding that window was fun the first time, and I am sure will be a jolly right-o** good time the next.

**British slang is pretty fun. I don't understand Cockney rhyming slang really, but I do like phrases like "Bloody hell" and "Bob's your uncle" and I have been trying to teach Ellie and Sam that, while they don't actually have an uncle named Bob, it is a useful phrase.