The Emptiness of a Still Full House

This week has been a week of getting rid of things. I have thrown away more this week than I think I ever have in my entire life, including the last few weeks of school and teacher work week. I have also found tons of interesting things in weird places.

I have over 15 bags of trash in my garage, waiting to go out next week* (you remember Toronto's excellent and dictatorial trash rules, right?), and I haven't even touched our bedroom, the kids' room, or finished the basement yet.

I have made good progress. Ellie, Sam and I, however, are starting to get itchy. Prickly. My friend commented that our house "feels like a house in transition." Our rugs are being washed at the cleaners, so there is an echo.  We have less stuff, and I've taken some things off the walls, so there is more room for sound to bounce around.  There is more room to play, to run around, to have even more people over. I could have a raging party and fit everyone, which would be awesome.  It wouldn't feel like our house, at least, as it once did.  There are hot pink labels on everything not to be moved, so that we have something to camp out with for the next month.

I used to think that the hardest part of moving was the limbo before everything was solidified, and we knew where and when we were going. I still think that's right - that is the hardest part, because you don't know what to expect next. This part is tricky in a different way.  We're still living in this community we have grown to love, and with people we have connections with, and we have to make our preparations to leave them.  It is starting to hit home for us and for them as our move becomes more of a reality.

The interesting and cool part of this is how our family comes together during this time. We spend more time physically closer together. The kids need me more, not just emotionally but to touch and hug me as well. I need them as well, the reassurance that we are a team and that we will get through this intact, and that we are a family wherever we go.  Josh joins us by facetime or phone daily, or by video or pictures he sends back home when he is gone.

I know now that we will stay drawn together for the first part of our time in our new place, until we are more settled in with friends and in the community.  It is easier here, since we have friends and a community to rely on. It is more difficult in the new place, where we can get on each other's nerves, where our emotions can be magnified and there are different things to accomplish.  On the other hand, there is the thrill of the newness, adventure and discovery around every corner. Ellie and Sam are the perfect age to explore places with, and they are great at noticing new and fun things that we would never notice.

I wish I could relax into the prickly-ness and know that this in-between time won't last forever. It is a special time, the time when you get to say goodbye. I thought I was better prepared for it.


*I will have to post pictures. This is sure to be an amazing sight, my lawn with a moving truck, packers, full of trash with stickers, and neat piles of "extras" all according to the rules and regulations of the City of Toronto. I can't wait!

The Relaxing Life of a SAHM, or, my Nanny Jackie

This week, I am employing a Nanny. Her name is Jackie. She is fabulous.*

Why, you ask?

Well, my packers are arriving on Monday (yes, this coming Monday) and my wonderful, hardworking husband is off eating glorious food/working hard/hopefully not getting sick in Southeast Asia, and I am preparing our home by myself. He will come home to oral surgery and an empty house. This was my scheduling choice, which enables our goods to get to the UK when Josh is actually there to receive them (hopefully) assuming we have done right with the gods of visas and shipping.

Or it could all fall apart. The outlook is still not certain. Anyway, goods will arrive in London at some point  and so will we.  I have been working hard to get rid of teaching materials, things we will never need in the UK, things that will never fit in our house, and basically trying to consolidate our life.

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It was funny this morning when I read this article about the Ann Romney/Hillary Rosen debate over motherhood, which led me to this article by Amy Wilson.  The first time I went to the UK to look for schools, I had to put my occupation. I left it blank. The customs officer asked what I did and after I stumbled over an answer, he helpfully filled in "housewife."

'But that isn't what I am at all!' I wanted to tell him.  I organize international moves for our family! I organize small children for neighborhood Easter egg hunts! I volunteer once a week in my daughter's school!  Like a friend once had for her email signature, I manage chaos and try to have Shalom Bayit (peace in our home).  Do you think the immigration officer would look kindly on me if I wrote "Chaos Engineer on my next form?" I try to cook dinner and create a social life and friends for our family-on-the-move. I don't think all of that can be distilled in "housewife" or "SAHM."  Or maybe those words are just tainted for me with a 1950s, Mad Men type of mentality that does not align with my previously feminist philosophies.  That being said, I do value both my mom and Josh's mom, who were two very different types of moms but both rocked it in their own ways and for their own reasons.  Courage, bravery, strength and love are found with all kinds of mothers, no matter how you work.

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This week I was going through my teaching materials. I am giving away the remainder of my classroom library, and weeding through my professional materials.  It is surprisingly harder than I thought it would be. I was hoping to just have a box or two to take to London. Instead, I was able to get all of our holiday materials into one box, and my teaching materials will probably take up five.  (I just can't give up Fountas & Pinnell.)  I don't know what my professional future holds and I know that Ellie and Sam are especially dependent on me right now. They did not like that there was someone else to pick them up or drop them off, even though they knew Jackie already, she is temporary, and she is amazing.  I miss my students. I miss the interaction with them, planning lessons, teaming with colleagues. I don't miss the work crap, like PLCs or paperwork for the sake of paperwork.  I miss grading parties and happy hours and teacher talk and new babies and the dedication of my colleagues to always getting the best out of their students.

Teaching is full of celebrations and love. I hope I will be able to connect back to it in the UK.

*I will tell you more about nannies in a different post.

Where is the___? Or keeping a stiff upper lip.

I had some time before our flight today and Josh is working so to make things easier for the kids when we move I decided to go take some pictures of the new 'hood this morning before going downtown to the Tate Modern for the Damien Hirsh exhibit. This may make me sound sophisticated and urban cool but you have the wrong sister for that.

In any case, I got off the tube and was faced with our new local grocery store. What better time, I thought, than to get acquainted? I don't have kids with me, it is a huge store, and I can get a sense of the layout.

It was pretty normal, and I was reassuring myself that I wasnt moving to, I don't know, Thailand or something (see, Avery, brands may be different but everything is pretty similar) when all of a sudden I realized something. There was no cream for coffee. (There is milk in bags, in case you are wondering. And fancier milk jugs.) I had noticed that I had been unable to get cream in my coffee during this trip and I relly detest milk in my coffee unless it is a latte. What was the deal? This is a country that serves cream on scones! It has a whole section of the store dedicated to pot desserts (which are not hallucinogenic, but instead like puddings, I think).

Then I found the whole section dedicated to cream. Creme fraiche. Single cream. Double cream. Already whipped cream. I needn't have worried. I will just have to figure out which is coffee appropriate.

One of my most lovely friends also lives abroad, and told me before we moved to Canada that I would have to be like a Mama Duck, and let worries and concerns roll off of me, because the kids, and Josh, to an extent, would follow my lead. It was while walking around today, after the shopping, that the nerves hit me. The "I don't want to go because it is strange and unfamiliar and it is easier to stay put" feeling. My friend's words came back to me, because if it is weird for me, it is even more strange for my kids, and I have to somehow model that I hate that feeling, the transition, the strangeness, but that the adventure is also super cool and an amazing gift we've been given. Very few people get to see the world in the way we have been able to. It doesn't mean it isn't hard sometimes.

For better or for worse, it rains a lot in London so all of those worries should wash right away.

Avery's Adventures in London

I am typing this on my phone. My computer is in Canada. Forgive any errors.

Let me tell you what I learned looking for a house in London. (This is not London, Ontario, Canadian friends.)

1. I am not sure if Londoners want people to sit down. Family rooms, called reception rooms here, are very small and narrow in most cases. We have large, North American, manifest destiny style furniture. We will be getting rid of some of it.

2. Londoners may not want you to sit and visit, but they do want you to cuddle at night. Very few houses could accommodate our admittedly huge King bed. When all four members of your family end up there most nights, though, it is somewhat of a necessity.

3. We did not see as many bidets as I was hoping we would, and the house we liked best was bidet-free. Not that I would have been able to instruct my children in how to use a bidet, but there is always you tube.

4. Cockfosters, the last stop on the Picadilly line, is the new Regina.

5. I saw someone breaking into a car outside of the Canadian High Comission. With a knife and a wire hanger. This is proof we are not in Toronto. (No, I did not say anything because he had a knife and I figured we were outside of the Canadian High Comission and if they don't have cameras there we aren't safe anywhere.)

6. There was a man asking for money outside a tube stop in a lobster costume.

7. Apparently there are no bugs in London. There are also no screens, so your children are free to fall out the window.

8. We saw a sign that advertised "begin clubbing after 30." it was on the Ramada in Ealing. If I was going to begin clubbing now, it wouldn't be at a somewhat suburban hotel outside London. I have to admit, I am somewhat curious about who does attend.

9. Apparently Colin Firth lives in our new hood. I'm sure we'll be besties.

10. There is a sign in the place we ate dinner (a lovely brasserie) that says no drug use in the bathroom, which makes me wonder what was happening in the loo to warrant the sign.

11. They sell clothes in the grocery store here, like Target. And booze.

12. We decided we might become a one car family. I suggested I get a moped with a sidecar (for the kids - you can totally see them rocking the sidecar, right?). Josh countered that we weren't in a cartoon. Coming home, I found the perfect helmet - green with white daisies. It will match my tattoo. And how many moms can say that?

13. I asked Josh if he would rather have a third baby or get a dog. He said neither. I said if we got a dog we could name him President (because he'd be British-born, and never able to be President, ignoring the fact we are discussing a dog); Josh said we'd name him Governur.

We aren't getting a dog. Or having another child. Hopefully we'll have a place to live in London in the next few days.

Trayvon, Sam, America

"If A goes to America, will she be shot?"

This was asked by my friend's daughter, who has a West Indian nanny, after watching some of the coverage of the Trayvon Martin case.

You have to wonder about America sometimes.

******

I get most of my news these days from Facebook, so it wasn't until Trayvon's picture began popping up that I began paying attention.  I had to go to numerous news sources to get coverage; the story hadn't gained traction at that point up here in Canada.  It was hard to get a timeline of events and an understanding of what exactly had happened.  That a boy was thought suspicious, followed and shot. He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and carrying tea and skittles.  That there is a law in Florida called "stand your ground." (Query: why do we need Florida anyway?*)

The more important questions: Why did this other person need/have a gun? Why didn't he call the police and let them handle it, if he was truly concerned for his safety? Why are we so distrustful as a society?

******

Yep, all people in hoodies look pretty scary to me. We wear a lot of hoodies in Canada. It is cold here, and we like to cover our heads.  It wouldn't occur to me to think something else.  Rep. Bobby Rush wore a hoodie on the House floor today. He was escorted off because of a rule that says there are no hats  in the house chambers.

Question: Does that also mean no yarmulkes? No head coverings when an Islamic woman is finally elected?

 Bobby Rush in a hoodie, above, and below, without. Just so you can compare. 

******

Now I understand that there may have been a smear campaign about the reputation of Trayvon, and that Zimmerman's supporters are reluctant to speak up.  Compassion is warranted all around.  For a man who shot someone else without thinking about what he was doing.  Compassion for the parents of Trayvon, who have lost a child, and have to suffer that unthinkable loss in the bright light of the media that surrounds this story.

This story is a loss for our country. Not for the families, but for our country as a whole, that we have developed to a point where people feel the need to carry guns to keep them safe, shoot people without confirming they are dangerous, and defending their actions in a media court instead of a court of law.

Lives are worth more than this.







*It is a TERRIBLE state. Hanging chads, stupid laws, corrupt politicians. And DisneyWORLD.

Roll Up the Rim

While there are lots of good questions out there, like when we are moving (June, maybe?), the more consuming issue in our house is, "Are we going to win the camping package from Tim's?"

Josh is barely Canadian, donating his Canada Day t-shirt* and actually driving through a Tim Horton's and not getting coffee during their promotion, Roll Up the Rim. For those Americans too far away to understand what I'm talking about, Tim's runs a contest where you actually roll up the rim of the cup to see if you win a prize, from a free coffee to a new car.  That link is actually incorrect, in that I use my teeth to roll up the rim.  In any case, if you win you rip off the rim to redeem your prize. The first time I won, I brought in my entire cup and faced the disdain of the Tim's clerk.

Ellie is obsessed with Roll Up the Rim, urging me to go to Tim's (like I take any urging!) so we can win the camping package. She also suggested we stop and collect a cup at the side of the road because that could also be the winning cup. My mom also suggested this, which shows the Ellie Apple does not fall far from the tree. (Sam just wants to eat Timbits.)  So far, I've only won 2 free coffees, but it is better than last year, when I only won one free coffee.



*Which is actually fine, because he will be getting pants with maple leaves embroidered on them, like the rest of the gentlemen on our street. Like his hula dancer pants, but Canada-style. Or we could just get these, which also come in shorts and skirts. This is a fabulous pair of pants.

We're moving again. Can you guess where?

Do you know what's wrong with this picture? 

(A young friend glanced at it and commented "It's a Toyota!" 

Well, yes, but that wasn't what I was getting at.)

There are sheep on the side of the road! Between the highway and the airport! Sheep!

Give up? Ellie may need one of these once we arrive. Through the head may be a bit disturbingly big, as is the price tag (around 50 pounds!).

We are off to Jolly Old England. Josh has been given a wonderful work opportunity, and will now be  General Counsel and Chief Administrative Officer for a new division they have just formed within his current company.  This branch of his company will be based out of London, so off we go!  


Ellie and Sam have taken the news surprisingly in stride.  Ellie's initial reaction was, "I don't want to move," but it has been replaced by some interest in her new school, what the houses look like, and particularly, her 6 year old glee that we will have to learn to drive on the wrong side of the street. I think it is understandable for her to note that we will also have moments of transition, change and difficulty.  Hopefully it just doesn't end up in an accident.  Sam is interested because Finn McMissile from Cars 2 is from the UK, so maybe we will run into him.  We've been listening to "Collision of Worlds" from the soundtrack quite a bit. *


My reaction? I am very proud of Josh, and really excited for him. He is very excited.  I am less excited about this:

which, in case you were wondering, is both a washer and a dryer in London. Or this:

Friends, this is a very small fridge. And oven. This oven is not fitting a traditional turkey. I am not sure it will fit a chicken.  Or my cookie sheets. But it is all part of the adventure, and some houses actually do have North American size fridges and ovens, so we'll see what happens at the end of the day. 

The best part? All of the kids on scooters, who scoot around town as their parents walk.  I think it will be cool to explore the Tate, the Tower of London and Kew Gardens, especially with small kids.  I will probably sing "My Country Tis of Thee, Sweet Land of Liberty" every time "God Saves the Queen" is played, staging my own mini-American rebellion every time.  (What do you expect of someone who taught Virginia history?)  Ellie and Sam will get to continue with their French instruction, and practice in France.  We'll get to see friends who are in Europe, and maybe even see the Olympics.  


We are excited for this next chapter. We are so, so very sad to leave another amazing community, but we also know that they will visit us, and we will put on the kettle for them anytime they want to come over. 




*Soundtrack "Collision of Worlds" of Cars 2 by Robbie Williams and Brad Paisley

Lyrics :

At the first sign of the morning light, Old Glory's in the sky
Across the pond, it's afternoon and the Union Jack flies high
We're on our first cup of coffee
We're on our third cup of tea
And we can't pretend to live on different planets, you and me

In this collision of worlds
Watch the new day dawn on a distant shore
In this collision of worlds
Oh you can't sit this out no more

Abbey Road, Route 66, CIA, to the MI6
Right lane, left lane, Metric, Imperial
Pounds, dollars, howdy, cheerio!
A v8 growls, to a v12 screams
Hail to the chief, God save the Queen
Cops, bobbies, tabasco, wasabi, pistachio ice cream!

In this collision of worlds
Well it's too late and you can't stop it now
In this collision of worlds
Yeah find you a place and just watch it now

Well you're a good ole' boy
Yeah you're a decent bloke
I say it's irony, I say it's a joke
When I look around, now I can see
We ain't so different, you and me

Meat and potatoes, burgers and mash
Dollars, pounds, dosh, cash
Audobon, to the riding sun
The I10, to the M1
Congress, Parliment, President, The Queen!
Petrol, you say gasoline
Now grab your bird, and get your girl
Now its a small world

Collison of worlds
Watch the new day dawn on a distant shore
In this collision of worlds
No you can't sit this out no more
In this collision of worlds
It's too late and you can't stop it now
Collision of worlds
Find you a place and watch it now