Avery's Adventures in London

I am typing this on my phone. My computer is in Canada. Forgive any errors.

Let me tell you what I learned looking for a house in London. (This is not London, Ontario, Canadian friends.)

1. I am not sure if Londoners want people to sit down. Family rooms, called reception rooms here, are very small and narrow in most cases. We have large, North American, manifest destiny style furniture. We will be getting rid of some of it.

2. Londoners may not want you to sit and visit, but they do want you to cuddle at night. Very few houses could accommodate our admittedly huge King bed. When all four members of your family end up there most nights, though, it is somewhat of a necessity.

3. We did not see as many bidets as I was hoping we would, and the house we liked best was bidet-free. Not that I would have been able to instruct my children in how to use a bidet, but there is always you tube.

4. Cockfosters, the last stop on the Picadilly line, is the new Regina.

5. I saw someone breaking into a car outside of the Canadian High Comission. With a knife and a wire hanger. This is proof we are not in Toronto. (No, I did not say anything because he had a knife and I figured we were outside of the Canadian High Comission and if they don't have cameras there we aren't safe anywhere.)

6. There was a man asking for money outside a tube stop in a lobster costume.

7. Apparently there are no bugs in London. There are also no screens, so your children are free to fall out the window.

8. We saw a sign that advertised "begin clubbing after 30." it was on the Ramada in Ealing. If I was going to begin clubbing now, it wouldn't be at a somewhat suburban hotel outside London. I have to admit, I am somewhat curious about who does attend.

9. Apparently Colin Firth lives in our new hood. I'm sure we'll be besties.

10. There is a sign in the place we ate dinner (a lovely brasserie) that says no drug use in the bathroom, which makes me wonder what was happening in the loo to warrant the sign.

11. They sell clothes in the grocery store here, like Target. And booze.

12. We decided we might become a one car family. I suggested I get a moped with a sidecar (for the kids - you can totally see them rocking the sidecar, right?). Josh countered that we weren't in a cartoon. Coming home, I found the perfect helmet - green with white daisies. It will match my tattoo. And how many moms can say that?

13. I asked Josh if he would rather have a third baby or get a dog. He said neither. I said if we got a dog we could name him President (because he'd be British-born, and never able to be President, ignoring the fact we are discussing a dog); Josh said we'd name him Governur.

We aren't getting a dog. Or having another child. Hopefully we'll have a place to live in London in the next few days.